This memo merely sketches common problems and is no substitute for a grammar/usage text, which is essential (I recommend When Words Collide). These rules are starting points, nothing more, and some have exceptions. Examples are punctuated correctly unless stated otherwise.

1. Hopefully, a relentlessly abused word, does not mean "it is hoped" or "one hopes." It means "with hope" or "full of hope."

wrong: Hopefully, tomorrow will be sunny.

OK: Hopefully, she set off for college.

I'd avoid it altogether, since constructions such as "Hopefully, she set off" sound odd to all those people who are used to hearing the word misused.

2. It's is a contraction. Its is a possessive.

Correct:

• It's a far, far better thing. . . .
• The President's Physical Fitness Council introduced its chairperson, Keith Richards.

Wrong:

• Its my party, and I'll cry if I want to.
• You can't judge a book by it's cover.

3. Possessives & plurals: Use apostrophes for possessives, but not for plurals -

singular: Homer Simpson

singular possessive: Homer Simpson's circumference

plural: the Simpsons are just like my family

plural possessive: the Simpsons' house

wrong:

• The Simpson's are coming
• Lisa Simpsons' grade point average

4. Singular: his, hers, its. Plural: their

wrong: The U of O recently toughened their rules on cheating.

right: The U of O recently toughened its rules on cheating.

wrong: Each student should complete their homework.

right: Each student should complete his or her homework.

right: All students should complete their homework.

Anything wrong here? -

• When a student gets an A in J203, they feel a warm tingle all over.
• Skimming Psychology Today, it looks like they're preoccupied with sex.

[Personal note: there is some authority for allowing what might be called the "singular their" in cases where doing so avoids sexist language, as in avoiding what has been called the sexist "he," "him," or "his" (example: "An airline pilot needs to have his eyes checked periodically"). While repeating "his or her" or "he or she" over and over can admittedly become tedious at some point, I prefer to avoid sexist language by means other than employing the "singular their," which to my ear is painfully awkward.]

5. E.g. (for example) and i.e. (that is, or that is to say) are not interchangeable -

The Ducks faced several mighty opponents (e.g., the USC Trojans).

The first game of the season (i.e., UCLA vs. OSU) was a cliffhanger.

E.g. suggests one of a number of examples; i.e. is similar to "in other words."

6. You're is a contraction of you and are, never a possessive.

wrong:

• The Vice President hollered, "Shake you're booty, Tipper!"
• Your my valentine.

7. Affect, effect -

right:

• What is the effect of Measure 5?
• How did Measure 5 affect the J School?
• The legislature effected [put into effect] new regulations last term.

wrong:

• Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words have no affect.
• My exam grade was not effected by my watching Ren & Stimpy for three days straight.

8. Periods and commas go inside quote marks -

The new translation reveals that what Descartes actually said was, "I think, therefore I am - I think."

My favorite episodes are "Homer's Mom," "Bart Gets Expelled," and

"Meltdown," in that order.

9. Placing an exclamation point or question mark relative to quote marks: Are you taking a sentence that already has a question mark or exclamation point and simply wrapping quote marks around the whole thing?

Like this: "I'm positive Bo Diddley and Bo Derrick are related!"

Or this: Barney's dissertation topic is "How many journalism professors does it take to change a light bulb?"

Or (crucial distinction), are you merely dropping a quoted element into a sentence that is not itself a quotation?

Examples

• Hey - I thought you said this course was a "Mickey"!
• Didn't you say this course was a "Mickey"?
• Who said "it don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing"?

In the next two examples, note that there's no additional punctuation at the end; the question mark or exclamation point inside the quote mark is sufficient -

Betsy said, "Jimi's coolest album is Are You Experienced? "

The Vis. Comm. professor shocked the community when he commandeered a bullhorn and screamed, "I'm not going to take it anymore!"

10. Semicolons and colons go outside the quote marks -

My favorite lyric is "I'm goin' where the Southern cross the Dog"; it's about trains.

11. A quote within a quote takes single quote marks (note all punctuation) -

Binky said, "My favorite lyric is 'I'm goin' where the Southern cross the Dog'; it's about trains."

Bugsy replied, "My favorite quotation is, 'Shut up, he explained,' but I can't remember who said it."

The Professor Emeritus proclaimed, "Technically, the philosopher Spinoza is classified as a 'mondo bummer.' " (but see below)

In the preceding example, note that the period goes inside both single and double quotes.

But authorities differ: According to The Chicago Manual of Style, the period goes outside the quote mark when single quotes are used to set off special terms -

• He had not defined the term 'categorical imperative'.

12. An independent clause has a subject and a verb (at least). Three examples:

• I went
• I went to the movies
• Learn these few grammar rules! (the subject - you - is implied)

Independent clauses are underlined in sections 12-14.

Memorize this:

Two independent clauses joined by a coordinating conjunction - use a comma.

Same rule in diagram form (note comma):

independent clause, coordinating conjunction independent clause

Examples; note commas:

I went to the bank, and I went to the movies too.

I went to the bank, but I went to the movies too.

If one or both clauses are quite short, you may drop the comma (e.g., I can and I will.); otherwise, use it.

13. A comma splice, which is wrong, results from two independent clauses, a comma, and no conjunction -

wrong: I went to the bank, I went to the movies too.

If you want the independent clauses in one sentence without a conjunction, use a semicolon -

I went to the bank; I went to the movies too.

or, a dash might be appropriate:

The fashion models swing their feather-light briefcases like Easter baskets - they are, after all, empty.

Depending on their relationship, two independent clauses may be separated by a colon -

I have just one thing to say: Avoid comma splices!

Comma splices like to lurk among quotations. Correct the splice in this faulty example -

"I went to the bank," he said, "I went to the movies too."

Correct: "I went to the bank," he said. "I went to the movies too."

Also correct: "I went to the bank," he said; "I went to the movies too."

Review how all of the underlined independent clauses above have both subjects and verbs.

14. In this example, there is just one subject (no separate subject for the second verb), so no comma between verbs -

I went to the bank and went to the movies too. (correct)

15. "However" is not a coordinating conjunction, so adding it does not change the rules -

I went to the bank, however, and I went to the movies too. (correct)

Commas are also needed in the next example, because here we're setting off "however" -

I went to the bank, however, and went to the movies too.

Here are two independent clauses, no conjunction. Note semicolon -

I went to the bank, however; I went to the movies too.

or, for a different meaning -

I went to the bank; however, I went to the movies too.

Substituting a comma for the semicolon in either example above would result in the [erroneous] comma splice:

I went to the bank, however, I went to the movies too. (wrong!)

16. Commas with "who" clauses, "which" clauses, etc. The standard test is restrictive vs. nonrestrictive. This concept, slippery at first, is nothing less than the key to the cosmos.

Suppose I ask: Did you give the book to the man who was wearing a green coat or the man who was wearing a red coat?

You answer: I gave it to the man who was wearing a green coat.

You need "who was wearing a green coat" to answer my question, so that clause is restrictive. It restricts the recipient of the book to the man in the green coat. The sentence can't make its point without it. It's essential, mandatory.

Rule: Restrictive - no comma:

I gave it to the man who was wearing a green coat.

Master this concept before proceeding.

Now, a different question:

Did you give the book to the man or to the woman?

Answer: I gave it to the man.

You have already answered the question fully. You don't need more info to restrict your answer. If you throw in "who was wearing a green coat," this time it's nonrestrictive - you don't need it to make your essential point. No matter how interesting it might be, it's merely extra detail. This time, it's not mandatory, not essential. It's nonrestrictive.

Nonrestrictive - use comma:

I gave it to the man, who was wearing a green coat.

The wording is the same, but the comma depends on restrictive vs. nonrestrictive.

Master this concept before proceeding!

Some less thorny examples follow; all are correct (note comma, or lack of comma; think restrictive vs. nonrestrictive) -

• Joe Schmoe is the professor who teaches J203.
• I'm taking J203 from Professor Schmoe, who looks just like Beavis.
• I'm moving to a place where the sun shines every day.
• I'm moving to Jamaica, where the sun shines every day.

Think about why two examples above have commas, and two don't. Also see section 18.

17. Appositives. Example -

A biography of the singer Michael Jackson hit the stores last week.

"The singer" and "Michael Jackson" are appositives. If the specific noun (Michael Jackson) is the only member of its class (singer), use a comma or commas. Since Michael Jackson is not the only singer in the world, no comma.

But try this: A biography of the world's biggest selling recording artist, Michael Jackson, hit the stores last week.

Within this sentence, Michael Jackson is indeed in a class of one - the world's biggest selling recording artist - so he's set off with commas. That is, there can be only one "world's biggest selling recording artist."

Master the distinction:

• Tycoon Donald Trump bit the dust. (correct)
• America's folksiest tycoon, Sam Walton, wore dentures. (also correct)

Lengthy appositives are sometimes set off with dashes:

Neal Armstrong - the first Earthling to set foot on another celestial body - now plays drums in White Zombie.

Again: class of one, set it off with a comma -

My mother, Blanche, is a Rosicrucian. (only one mother)

More than one, no comma -

My friend Blanche dates Pee Wee Herman. (more than one friend)

More examples:

(Suppose they made only one album): I played on their album, Noises For The Leg.

Above, the comma conveys "their one and only album."

another example:

I have their album Tubas In The Moonlight but not their other one, Humanoid Boogie.

Here, the lack of a comma after "album" indicates more than one; the comma after "other one" indicates there can be only one "other one."

When appositives get long, people sometimes forget the second comma -

wrong: Bob Haldeman, one of the finest public servants this country has ever known was never indicted.

right: Bob Haldeman, one of the finest public servants this country has ever known, was never indicted.

note: you need both commas to set it off.

18. Restrictive and nonrestrictive meet "the" and "a." Here we'll see how the concepts of class of one and restrictive vs. nonrestrictive reinforce each other -

Nigel joined the rock band Pinwheels In My Mind. (no comma)

In most contexts, "Nigel joined the rock band " would feel incomplete or even incorrect by itself; the sentence needs "Pinwheels In My Mind" to make its point (restrictive - no comma).

Compare: Nigel joined a rock band, Pinwheels In My Mind.

Here, "Pinwheels" is extra detail (nonrestrictive - comma needed).

It's as though the comma conveys a sense of "which is." The sentence now conveys, "Nigel joined a rock band, which is Pinwheels In My Mind," or "Nigel joined a rock band, specifically Pinwheels In My Mind."

Note how shifting from "the rock band" to "a rock band" shifts "Pinwheels In My Mind" from restrictive to nonrestrictive.

This is important, so stick with it. Note commas or the lack of commas in the following -

"Smells Like Teen Spirit" was written by the poet Longfellow.

(more than one poet)

The master of Thiggle Manor was dismembered by the head butler, Jenkins. (only one head butler in Thiggle Manor)

Note how the context determines the commas -

• Some people get a late start. The author Joseph Conrad didn't speak English until his twenties.
• Heart Of Darkness is a powerful book. The author, Joseph Conrad, didn't speak English until his twenties.

Both are correct, despite differences in punctuation, because different contexts sometimes dictate different punctuation. In the first example, Conrad is merely described with an adjective, "the author." There are many authors. But in the second, the context places him in a class of one: author of Heart Of Darkness.

19. "Which" vs. "that." Generally, "which" is nonrestrictive and thus takes a comma; "that" is restrictive and thus does not take a comma"

• I signed up for J209, which meets at the @#*!! crack of dawn.
• I want a class that meets about 12:30.
• I read his first book, which was quite wretched.
• Give me the book that sits on the mantel.
• Fuzzy's two tugboats, which are sinking, are named "Bert" and Ernie."
• The tugboats that are sinking will be scrapped.

This distinction is not ironclad. Sometimes you can substitute "which" for "that," but not vice versa -

• OK: Zinsser says, "Every piece of writing should have a logical design which introduces and develops a theme."
• Wrong: The world's greatest city is Eugene that is located off Interstate 5.

Despite these occasional exceptions, it is generally true that "which" takes the comma, and "that" does not -

• Right: The world's greatest city is Eugene, which is located off Interstate 5.
• Right: Build me a roof that won't leak.

20. A dash is not a hyphen. For a dash, use either the appropriate key on your word processor (-) or two hyphens, no space between them (--).

• right: There's one thing I can't stand-typos.
• right: There's one thing I can't stand--typos.
• wrong: There's one thing I can't stand-typos.

Here's a quiz.

Spot the comma flaws, if any:

1. The Greek philosophers, Leucippus, Democritus, and Biff, taught the classicist aesthetic.

2. His eldest daughter Cara bore the brunt of his criticism.

3. The early-nineteenth-century publisher, Robert Bonner, went insane.

4. Explain how the poem "Louisiana Nights" brings to mind a railroad train.

5. The expression "bodacious, dude!" is a provincialism.

6. The first record I ever bought, James Brown Live At The Apollo, is still my favorite.

7. I read the book Finnegan's Wake during his Information Gathering lectures.

8. The popular Irish singer Sinead O'Connor made many people angry.

9. The greatest soul singer in history, Ray Charles, makes cola commercials.

10. The great soul singer Ray Charles makes cola commercials.

11. [Very specifically, how does the comma affect the next example's meaning? Suppose the comma were removed; how would the meaning change? Discuss restrictive, nonrestrictive]

Mirabella magazine appeals to baby-boomer women, who are successful and stylish.